Jamie: My Teacher, Guide, Heart, Soul, and Angel

Larry and Becky Jamison, 1996

I stayed home from church this morning due to snowy roads and very cold weather. I committed to worshipping my Heavenly Father in the comfort of my warm home, and I'm in awe at the blessing that has come back to me upon making that commitment!

As I was looking through my bookcases for a particular book (which I still can't find!), I came across a Journal that I began to write in many years ago. I pulled out this Journal and noticed that I'd only written 3 pages, then quit. But as I read my writings, I decided to share them with you because it feels timely. Larry passed away Nov 13, 2018, just 16 weeks ago. Yes, I count the weeks. The grief and resulting pain that I've felt from this loss have grown by the week. I look forward to the day when that trend reverses, and I can feel more peace by the week. It just happens that the 3 pages I wrote were all about my relationship with my dear husband, whom I had married Oct. 22, 1994. I share it with you:

"January 1, 1996
It's not easy to begin my journal writings. I've decided to write as this new year begins because I feel like I have a lot of thoughts going through my head that should be recorded on paper. In recording them, I'm exposing them to be read by others--chiefly my wonderful and very "curious" husband, Jamie; hopefully someday by my son Matt, if he's ever interested in "stepping inside his mother's mind", and maybe extended family members. In addition, I'm exposing my thoughts as a basis for my own interpretation and maybe occasionally, analysis. Gaining understanding throughout my life is very important to me and I think writing what comes to my mind will aid, in many ways, my understanding of life. So tonight, on this first day of this year, I being a new discipline of putting myself here on these pages. 

This will appear much of the time to be a journal of me and Jamie, for my husband is such a part of me. It's hard to separate the ME from the WE and that's the way both he and I want it to be. 

We've talked a lot today about the year ahead and feel very positive about the days before us. I feel like we've both been through such difficult times the last 10 years that 1996 has to be better. Our lives are straightening out, we're beginning to establish new and pleasant routines, we're relaxing more in our relationship because of increasing trust, safety, support, encouragement, intimacy, and most of all, our living and growing LOVE. We don't know what all we'll have to go through this year, but we know with God's blessing of life and health, we'll go through everything together! Our toast as the New Year came in last night was "Together!"  I feel such safety and comfort in my life now knowing that as Mrs. Larry Jamison, my life is here in my home with my family--Jamie, Matt (my son) and Matthew (Larry's son) and on occasion Ruthie (Larry's daughter).

Jan. 2: I've finished most of my day's work here at home this evening and am now looking forward to a nice quiet evening with Jamie, Matt, and Matthew. I've been on vacation from my job at Schmidt Construction Co. since Dec 22nd and have felt like I've "come back home" during these days in my home. For the first time in 10 years, I've had time to stay home and be a homemaker. And this is the way I'd prefer to spend all my days - taking care of my home and my family. I've cleaned, ironed, baked, hung pictures and of course cooked, taken care of the laundry and dishes, car, gotten things repaired, paid, etc. I wish my time at home could be extended because there are so many things I'd like to have time to do. This is where my heart is - in my home. I feel safe and capable here because I know what I'm doing and I do it well. I can do things to take care of my husband and family and that's all I want to do! Then for myself, I'd like to have more time to read and write.  

Jamie and I have committed to reading every evening if possible. We've begun several church books: "Brigham Young, American Moses", "Millenial Messiah", and "Following Christ", to list a few. I just bought "We Believe" and have started it and am so anxious to keep going through it. But most of all, I want to make more time to read my Scriptures -- always with Jamie if possible. 

My precious Jamie is my teacher, my guide, my soul, my heart, and my angel. I feel my Heavenly Father's warm, loving Spirit in my Jamie."  --Becky Jamison

That's all I wrote in this Journal. While I wish I'd contributed more to my Journal, looking back on my life at that time, I know why I didn't. I was busy! I worked full time as the Management Secretary for an asphalt construction company, attended church regularly, was finding my way at being a step-mother to my husband's 6 children, and helped Larry take care of his father who suffered from Alzheimer's Disease and his mother, who lived alone and was limited by Macular Degeneration. 

But while I didn't contribute more to my journal, I'm comfortable that what I did contribute really said it all. It's a good summary of the 24 years of marriage that I had with my sweetheart. We were always busy together, we read and discussed together, we took care of our family, and he was always my heart, soul and my angel. He still is and always will be, through eternity. For that blessing, I'm deeply grateful.